So your hair got caught in your zills? Your bra-padding flew into someone's hummus? Your hip belt came unhinged, your mascara ran into your eyes and your veil caught fire?

You feel cursed? Your evil eye jewelry isn't working for you?

Tired of praying to Bastet? Getting nowhere with your chants to Tara, your pleas to Isis?

Try aiming your "prayers" at a few of these Goddesses I've created just for Belly Dancers:

Darkenmyeyezez: The Kohl Queen. When black isn't black enough. When Maybelline won't do, pray to this goddess to give you the PERFECT line for your eyeliner. Beg her mercy to keep your now-perfectly-painted-on cat's-eyes from running during your drum solo.

Dietisis: Thin or Full Figured, this is the go-to Goddess for getting your body to fit in your bedleh. It is suggested that you don't erect an alter to this goddess near your fridge…it kinda counteracts your prayers.

CenterOfAttentiana: More of a Dark Angel than Goddess, this spiritual deity is often misused by Gothic style dancers. She was originally intended to protect belly dancers from those self-described divas who are the center of their known universe. In your mantras, you must ask to be given patience in dealing with these Dames who HAVE to be the center of attention. At least pray for another cheek to turn or a dressing room far away from where ever she is basking in her own reflection.

Cattynessa: Another Dark Angel who protects those who speak ill of others. She doesn't protect the poor dancer being assailed, but protects those who whisper behind her back. Kinder, gentler dancers have used her as a focal point to rise above such petty behavior, but most silently chant to her whenever a poorly attired dancer spills out of her costume and the urge to share a quip about 'cups running over' cannot be held on the tongue.

Gigette: She never fails! Gigette is a sprite who brings gigs to those who have had last minute cancellations or just a dry spell that has lasted too long. Be specific in your requests to this faerie. A request for work could mean shimmying around at a meat packing plant or a high-end Egyptian wedding.

Folliculina: Ever wonder how those hair pieces stay on such active dancers? Folliculina is the supreme goddess of their hair! She will assure that your clip on ponytail stays clamped, your fall doesn't fall, that your faux is good to go.

Drumsoloaria: Out of breath, no stamina, band's played too long? Focus your mantras on this deity! A dancer once weakened by too few calories, too many cosmos and three long parties previous to her restaurant job was alarmed to hear the band break into a rather long and vigorous drum solo! What was she to do? A quick prayer to Drumsoloaria and she was locking, popping and hitting every beat of the tabla! Offering a sacrafice of beads from your costume du jour will assure crisp isolations…

CD'skipati: When evil reigns, dancers' CDs skip. They are forced to stand in the wings, praying for a miracle, or worse, are promising their first born to anything or any one who can help…especially if they're in the middle of the dance floor when this tragedy strikes. But fear not…This Enchantress hears cries for help and assistance where technology has failed us. As an offering to this special Idol, make certain to sacrifice the offending CD to the demon dumpster after the gig…

Bedlehina: The most beloved of all Idols, this is the Goddess of costumes! Trendy and retro, coins, beads and sequins, this goddess will help you to find the perfect costume and at a bargain price. She will keep you from purchasing the kind of fashion disaster that will initiate discussions on message boards. Prayers made before Rakkasah are always answered. When erecting an altar to this goddess, be creative…a bra makes a wonderful incense holder, a veil, a great altar cloth!

eBay'a: The Queen Mother of all Goddesses. I am a devoted member of the Church of eBay'a of Latter Day Bidders. In our temple, we worship at the computer screen, our prayers, made up of search words. Though an exceptionally popular Goddess with her own legion of followers, she can smite you by making you purchase things you might not and also make you quite passionate about outbidding another parishioner, like "BDancerHaflaQueenie" when she gets her mind set on challenging you for that perfect one of a kind belt that you know would look better on you, but she just won't give up and it's 3 o'clock in the morning and, doesn't she have a life? Sorry. I digress.

Altar…simple. Boot up.
Use 3 credit cards as a triptych to frame the Goddess.
Confess your sins to PayPal.

"Gia worshiping at the altar of eBay'a...Oh let me win that bedleh!