Dear Alyra:
I told someone I was taking belly dance classes, and immediately got tossed into a lecture about how slutty that was and belly dancers are all strippers and I ought to be embarrassed to admit such a thing. They said it's just big old cock tease! (pardon my French, but that's what they said!)
Signed
Totally embarrassed.

Dear Embarrassed:
WELL! There is nothing that disgusts me more than seeing a darling beginner like you beset by the ignorant. Grrr! Alas, but belly dancing being equated with Stripping is not uncommon here in the US and the further you get out from an urban zones, the more prevalent it is.

Why is belly dancing so closely tied to the idea that it's a dance to tease men? We have Hollywood to thank for that. The movie industry's scandalous misinterpretation of the dance in such wonderful themes as 'Evil Temptress Dances for Hapless Impressionable Male Victim," "Harem Girl Seduces Kind Sultan into Corruption." And my personal favorite, "Evil Sultan is Surrounded by Beautiful Belly dancing Slaves" are fantasy death blows to our profession. And (although I am hard core patriotic) our generally stupid American mass public at large will believe whatever is shown to them on a bit of screen. They accept it for fact, not for fiction. Cause if it's in the movies or on TV, it's gotta be right, right? OH it makes me CRAZY! So….IGNORANT!

As a belly dancer, you have a responsibility to have the knowledge necessary to put such idiots in their place. People like this spread their bad ideas like a disease and the only vaccine is the power of a proper education on the subject.

So, here is how you answer them. And feel free to quote me! And not for nothing, although I always say, "Be a lady" it doesn't mean you can't be a little sassy or a little fresh, depending on your audience.

We begin with an:
"Offensive statement by stranger, friend or family."
"Is that what you think," you reply incredulously. "Where did you hear such nonsense?"

To which you are offered typical half baked responses such as: "I saw it in the movies." Or "I saw it on TV." Or "I read it in the paper." Or "I was at this bachelor party once…."

First, address their half baked response to your question (This process is to turn the tables and make the insultor become the insultee.)

a. I saw it in the movies.
Response: Really, the movies? You're taking for fact standards laid out by a medium which has come up with over 20 JFK conspiracy films, at one point had made millions on the concept of a grape jelly devouring people in a movie theater and also encourages preteen sex, drug use and violence. Now there's a source for you!" Then you give a delicate and somewhat superior laugh.

b. I saw it on TV.
Response: "TV? Oh Heavens, then it simply MUST be true. I mean, Fox and The Warner Bros. Channel, really comes up with accurate editorial commentary. Wow. Hmmm….oh wait, I believe with the exception of the news, almost everything you see on TV is fictional. OH spare me your insistence on Discovery or the History channel, did you see their special on religious icons? Do you REALLY think Jesus decided to show himself on a piece of TOAST?! I had given you more credit than that!" Then offer a girlish giggle.

c. I read it in the paper.
Response: "Really, when? The last time I looked at the paper, the cover was off and running about Jennifer Garner's pregnancy and nobody could get over Daisy Duke in her shorts. Quite a current events source!" If you can do it, I would suggest raising an eyebrow here. Oh, and smirk!

d. I saw it at a bachelor party.
Response: "Have you? Wow! Well, I guess that means she took her top of then? (yes.) Did she shake them for you then? (Why, Yes!) And I bet the groom to be got one hell of a lapdance (Oh yeah, that was grrrrrreat!). Well, then you didn't see a belly dancer, jackass, you saw a stripper in a belly dance costume. I'm thinking maybe YOU should be a bit embarrassed, after all, I don't need to pay someone to get naked for me." A conspiratorial wink would be an appropriate follow up, I think.
Are these responses too snotty? Are they too fresh, well maybe, but I'll leave it to your discretion to come up with your own reverse assault. At the end of the day, you want to sound authoritative and above all KNOWLEDGABLE. Ammunition on that point is next.

Here is what I usually say after unleashing that little bit of bitch.
"Look, it's really too bad that so many people don't critically think about what they're fed by the media whose sole purpose, only purpose, is to sell them things. Sell papers, sell products, sell sex. Very little artistic or creative expression. So it's damn shame that you've been so misinformed."

"Look, at the end of the day, this style of dance is a combination of many different cultures that influenced one another in the Middle East in antiquity. Most scholars believe that the movements we do now are based on Fertility and Birth rituals, pure and simple. Just look at the movements, hip- and belly-focused. Without lapsing into the full lecture, if you know your history at all, you'll know that traditionally men and women in the Middle East we're segregated through most ceremonies. Especially during birth. Big rituals for women, birth, puberty, marriage, motherhood are all celebrated by women alone. Even now, there are many parties women have where men aren't usually allowed (here in America, we call them bridal and baby showers). At at those big celebrations, it was women dancing for women, celebrating these stages of life applicable to women alone. "

"So, think about it critically. It would never be permitted for a girl or someone's wife to dance for another man, or a group of them. Never. Why, right now there is a huge movement to even allow the women of Afghanistan just to walk the streets with their face showing and free of the burka! Think about it! Do you really think that was the original intent? No, it was family entertainment. Mothers taught daughters and so on. So do you really think now, that belly dancing is a cocktease? In this context, you can see how silly it is to think that this dance was meant for a man tease. "

Rebuttal:
"But you cannot deny it's erotic!" says your friend/foe/family member.

Response:
"I don't try to deny it. Why would I? It's beautiful, graceful and flowing. Not to mention romanticized. But, EVERYTHING done with the human body that is physical-based, takes strength, grace and is beautiful and erotic. Ballet dancers, gymnasts, football players, the Rockets. It's all erotic. Because the human body is beautiful and no matter how you use it, for those of us that watch it, it's enticing. We're just naked mammals after all! What I'd like to point out, especially in Ballet, is that in dance, except for modern abstract there is often a strong sexual overtone. I mean, look what goes on in Ballet, there is almost always a man and he's got his hands all over the ballerina. Even on the inside of her thigh! And those tights! Talk about promoting the package! Sheesh! And you're going to slander the sensuousness of Belly dance? You must be able to see now how inconsistent that is?"

"Look, in my opinion a great belly dancer is one who develops her sexual overtone in a way that it caresses your psyche. You know it's there, the hint, the suggestion, the idea, but it's not offensive, because it's real and genuine. A belly dancer imitator is one who takes that sexuality and slaps your face with it, and makes you feel lascivious and maybe even a bit shameful."

"The next time you see a belly dancer. Ask yourself what kind of dancer she really is, and then you'll know if you're seeing the genuine article or not. As a matter of fact, go and see (then give him some names of girls you know who are dancing) and then you'll see what I'm learning to do!"

SUB NOTE: For those who you know ask because they are genuinely curious and are not being rude or lascivious. For those really just don't have a clue and are truly asking for your help in understanding. Ignore all the sassiness of my answers and launch right into the history of belly dance like you were a professor on the subject. Because you are!

If you have any other questions upon this subject, which clearly is a sore point of mine, please write to me at Alyra@thehipcircle.com and I will address your issues right away.

Shimmy proudly!
Alyra