|
| 
|
Dear Alyra
So, I'm new and I had my first performance ever last
weekend. It was great and there were a lot of other
belly dancers there too. I noticed that some were
really rude. I mean, they almost were sneering at
us. My teacher went over and spoke with them, trying
to be very nice and professional, and they responded
with some silly rhetoric of "So happy to see
others getting into the dance" but I could tell they
were totally insincere. It made me feel very uncomfortable
and somewhat tainted my first belly dance experience.
Signed
Tainted
Dear Tainted
Oh, don't be tainted! Don't let a few sour pusses
ruin your first babybelly steps into what could be
a terrific career. Don't let those swine muck up your
pearls!
A seasoned dancer being rude to a junior one without
cause is inexcusable. (Note, caveat without cause
will be explained later). I wish I could say it was
uncommon, this childish and often insecurity-based
behavior, but sad to say, it's not. I think I can
explain away some of the reasons why this happens
which may help prevent you from personalizing it.
One of the main reasons that senior dancers (hereinafter
SD's) are rude is usually more directed at the teacher
first, the student next. The fact is some teachers
put their students up for public performance too soon.
The students are simply not ready. Does one take a
soufflé out of the oven before it's done? No!
Why? Because it flops. It's not fluffy and light,
it's sloppy, thick and unappetizing to the recipient.
Same with an unprepared, inexperienced and inadequately-taught
dancer.
The worst part of this is, which I think is what makes
the SD's angry, is that a poor performance is very
detrimental to the profession. We have such obstacles
to overcome to legitimize belly dancing and for every
5 great leaps attained by 5 great performances, one
bad one will kick it the full 5 steps back. I do think
it is a true problem out there in the world and the
SD's who have spent years training and didn't perform
until they were ready have a right to cast a critical
eye towards the instructor who casts her students
out like a factory; poorly crafted, prone to malfunctioning
and often recalled back to the manufacturer.
I've observed SD's being rude to the students of these
instructors with the intent of insulting the instructor
and not the student. However, no matter which way
you slice it, this is inappropriate of the SD if this
is her intent. You are not the problem and the SD
ought to leave you out of it and deal with the instructor.
It's borderline cowardly to sneer at the subordinate
when the superior is there. So I say to the student,
don't personalize it. It's not you, but it could be
your instructor.
*One sad postscript to this is that I have known of
one teacher in particular who engages in this practice
because she undercuts the market with it. She sells
her unseasoned dancers on the cheap and gets quite
a bit of business because she is the cheapest on the
market. Many are rude to her, but she cares not and
the students, who are unwitting participants (until
they get older and abandon her for this practice),
pay the price for this. Unfortunately for them this
mercenary cares not one wit for their growing reputations
or her own, and their birth into dance is sometimes
burdened with this taint and they don't even know
it.
Another reason I have observed
SD's being rude to the juniors is pure insecurity.
They are threatened because they see REAL talent on
the rise. They try to make it difficult for the dancer
to stay as part of the profession because if the talent
shirks off, then the SD continues to secure her place
as an authority and an Icon.
I'm not going to offer you a platitude here by saying
don't personalize it, because it IS personal.
The ire you face from the SD is indeed about you
and your skill. What I will say is, understand
it for what it is. A compliment, no matter how ugly.
If an SD is threatened by you, you must be good! This
knowledge is a powerful tool and let it give you the
confidence and drive you need to continue with your
craft.
Feel no guilt for your gift of talent, mold it and
improve it and be the best you can be. It's unfortunate
that the SD cannot put her insecurity aside for the
betterment of the profession by noting that the rising
tide lifts all boats. Great skill creates great competition
which creates even greater skill, and so on and so
on.
And then there are some occasions that SD's are rude
because of plain old greed. Tying in with the above
point of attempting to poison the talented is the
reality that there isn't a lot of business out there.
This is the endless struggle of getting gigs. If the
SD's can knock out the competition when they're young,
they secure their continued financial existence.
And finally, the ugliest reason I've observed SD's
rudeness to a new dancer, is when they are suffering
from arrogance. The idea of “I'm wonderful,
superior and a star. And you, miserable bug, can lick
my fingers and toes and I might, just might, tolerate
you." These ridiculous bitches are full of themselves
and, like all tyrants, get some sort of thrill lording
over who they perceive to be subordinates to them.
But you know, they're only successful if you let them
be. I suggest you ignore them, utterly. No ingratiation,
no ass kissing, no extra politeness. Do not feed their
craving for slaves and adulators. Be polite, dance
and enjoy yourself and let them bask in the embrasure
of those less confidant than you that simper and cower
before them. I've often thought those flattering dancers
have Stockholm syndrome (** see definition below.)
HOWEVER, I cannot help but say there that sometimes
a new dancer has it coming. It's true. If she doesn't
abide by our established codes of conduct, and is
fully aware of it, well, then she gets what's coming
to her.
Have I ever been rude to a dancer, yes! 2 Circumstances
in particular.
1. Undercutting, a CRIME! A dancer I met was charging
only $50 a show so she could get more work than others
on the cheap. She knew it and felt no moral responsibility
to others in the field and how hard they struggle
to keep the rates up, sometimes at personal sacrifice.
She got the cold shoulder from me. The FROZEN shoulder,
actually.
2. Slut in the house, another more dire CRIME! While
eating at a Moroccan restaurant I observed the most
VULGER belly dance routine I have ever seen. Clearly
a one time stripper who decided to put on a belly
dance costume. Beyond the spread eagle leg floor gyrations
and self touching of breasts, was the unbelievable
horror of the hand job…REALLY A HAND JOB she
gave her sword. It was horrifying and humiliating
to belly dancers everywhere. No skill, all sex. To
say that I was rude is an understatement.
So, just do your best to remember, if you're not breaking
any codes of conduct, (and you can ask your teacher
about those or see them by joining the NYC Yahoo discussion
group “BellydancePro"),
and other dancers are being rude to you, it's NOT
you, it's them.
And as you grow into your place among the best of
them, try also to remember what it felt like to have
someone be rude to you when you were a baby belly
dancer. Please do not adopt the misbehaviors of others
in the profession in order to fit in. Rather, when
you see a new dancer on the rise break the mold and
be kind to her.
You never know... that kindness might come back to
you tenfold.
---------------------------------------
** The
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response of
a hostage, or an individual in a hostage-like situation.
The main symptom of the syndrome is the individual's
loyalty to the captor in spite of the danger that
this loyalty puts them in. The syndrome is named after
the robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm
in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage
from August 23 to 28, 1973. In this case, the victims
became emotionally attached to their victimizers and
even defended their captors after they were freed
from their six-day ordeal.
Comments
mayousse
I truly adored your article. It made me more informed
of what is going on and your advice is superb. last
year, while performimg in a restaurant, I had a run
in with a Professional dancer. the problem was that
she felt that she was God's gift to bellydance and
I was hogging the mirror in the changing room. In
reality, my nervousness as a new dancer kept me paralized
from left to right. I was not hogging the mirror.
I simply stood there making sure my costume fit properly.
Miss diva comes out of nowhere and sprays her hairspray
right in my face. I was so upset. After the performance
I went home. The next day in class, everyone came
up to ME and told me {including the teachers} how
good I was. No one said anything to her or that slutty
costume of hers. Anyhow, it just goes to show that
some people look mature but that doesn't mean they
are. Thank you again Alyra for that awesome response.
Nokota
Great advice Alyra! I think it just goes to show you
that no matter what the event-dance, sports, hobbies,
etc, an inflated ego is not a beautiful thing. Experienced
dancers should be the ones to show the inexperienced
how to behave properly and not to promote such bad
manners!
Adnil
Thank you so much for addressing this too-common phenomenon
both graciously and bluntly. I wish I had read this
years ago!
Parthena
Hi Alyra, Excellent article. I'm a new dancer and
haven't been exposed to much of this yet, and it does
leave me disheartened. I left my spiritual community
due to infighting and constant conflict among groups.
My religion is not one of the mainstream spiritual
paths, and I felt that it was even more important
for us to be united and set an example. I feel the
same way about bellydance. Since we are the stepchildren
of the art world, I feel that we should build good
working relationships along with healthy competition.
We need to be as supportive of dancers from other
troupes as we are of our own. But it's not a perfect
world, I guess..... Your article brings up another
question. I'm working toward becoming professional
locally, and bellydance is not popular in my area.
In fact, I will be the first! What is the best way
to find out how to set fees so that you're not undercutting
other dancers? |
